baby steps.
Posted by vancityrockgirl at 7/14/2008 11:28 AM and is filed under condo life,work and being an adult,Wedding,general good times,confessions of a confessaholic 
well, i've figured out why i am so freaking broke.
you know... besides the "not working" thing.
as it turns out, EI is only giving me half payments for 5 weeks, until i pay back the overpayment they made last year when i collected EI.
that is balls.
so for 5 weeks, i receive $215 a week.
have you ever tried living off $215 a week?
it does not go far.
or really... anywhere at all.
the good news is that the $860 i get a month will ALMOST pay my half of the mortgage.
yep. sweet.
soooo... cell phone, hydro, internet, student loan, line of credit and visa... well, i guess you're not getting paid this month.
also, i am no longer allowed to invite anyone over for dinner.
because i can't afford to feed other people.
so, basically i can't leave my house for the next couple months...
today i actually used this sentence "i can't come downtown and meet you this week, but i might be able to return some empties and roll some change and find enough for bus fare to see you next week."
yep. my life is officially that awesome.
anyways. i'm not going all "poor me"
(although really. i'm poor)
i'm just saying, the already tight purse strings are getting even tighter.
i figure i need to spend another $1,000 or so on the wedding reception... but that's really just food and drink. so i can't cut anything from that. but then i'm done.
decor will suck, and i'm just going to have to find a way to be happy with the fact that my wedding will not make me happy.
as someone that wants to plan weddings for a living, well, my wedding was supposed to be the gold standard... you know, set the bar for what i can accomplish.
but instead it will suck because i am too broke to do what i want to do.
and that makes me really sad.
and i blame my sister in law for ruining my wedding in the first place.
(i get to hold that grudge for at least a couple years, i figure)
because if it wasn't for her, i wouldn't have blown all my money on the vegas wedding, and i could have actually had my proper wedding like i had planned.
you know... with all our friends and family there, instead of only a handful.
okay. i am stopping.
i am beyond poverty. but i will figure it out.
and i will let go of the fact that my wedding was ruined by my husband's sister's selfish actions. (eventually)
on the upside, it looks like i have my first wedding to plan for my business.
the downside is that it's really soon... in november.
but it can be done.
hopefully i'll meet with them this week to discuss budget and such.
i need to get my web site up.
anyone know someone that can build one?
i also need a logo made for my company. graphic artists?
help.
oh oh... almost forgot to mention.
i am putting myself on a 12 step program to stem my dislike of children.
because i figure eventually i probably have to have one or two for my husband.
so... i'd better work on my disdain.
i still don't really want one... nor do i want to be pregnant. but that damn clock is ticking.
we were reading this whole thing on the weekend about age and birth defects and shit... and basically since i'm over 26, i'm already at a higher risk to have problems.
and 33 is the age where that shit starts getting really bad.
so... i have to do this kid thing before 33.
that's 4 and a 1/2 years away.
soooo... i have about 3 years to get over not wanting children.
or i decide that i'm never having them.
either way... i only have a couple more years to decide.
so... tick tick tick.
right now, my policies on kids are basically this:
- i don't pick up, touch or go near newborns. they're too helpless and i might break it.
- kids from 1 - 3 are okay. they're not good in public, since they can't really be controlled yet, but they do some cute shit at home. plus you can coax them into doing or saying things for your amusement. i can deal for about 2-3 hours. (once every couple months)
- from 3 to about... oh... let's say 8, i really dislike them. like strongly dislike. lol. really. this might be the area that needs to most work.
- and from 8 to about 15, well, i just have no interest.
my first mini-project will be to not immediately leave places where there are children.
to be totally honest, if i walk into a store, a restaurant, a park, or really, anywhere close to more than 3 small children, i turn around and leave.
i won't wait in a starbucks if i see several strollers inside. sometimes even one stroller will make me keep walking past a place i had planned on going into.
the sound of children screeching makes me want to pull my skin off.
so, this week i resolve to not avoid kids in public places.
and i will try my best with this.
baby steps.
literally.
you know... besides the "not working" thing.
as it turns out, EI is only giving me half payments for 5 weeks, until i pay back the overpayment they made last year when i collected EI.
that is balls.
so for 5 weeks, i receive $215 a week.
have you ever tried living off $215 a week?
it does not go far.
or really... anywhere at all.
the good news is that the $860 i get a month will ALMOST pay my half of the mortgage.
yep. sweet.
soooo... cell phone, hydro, internet, student loan, line of credit and visa... well, i guess you're not getting paid this month.
also, i am no longer allowed to invite anyone over for dinner.
because i can't afford to feed other people.
so, basically i can't leave my house for the next couple months...
today i actually used this sentence "i can't come downtown and meet you this week, but i might be able to return some empties and roll some change and find enough for bus fare to see you next week."
yep. my life is officially that awesome.
anyways. i'm not going all "poor me"
(although really. i'm poor)
i'm just saying, the already tight purse strings are getting even tighter.
i figure i need to spend another $1,000 or so on the wedding reception... but that's really just food and drink. so i can't cut anything from that. but then i'm done.
decor will suck, and i'm just going to have to find a way to be happy with the fact that my wedding will not make me happy.
as someone that wants to plan weddings for a living, well, my wedding was supposed to be the gold standard... you know, set the bar for what i can accomplish.
but instead it will suck because i am too broke to do what i want to do.
and that makes me really sad.
and i blame my sister in law for ruining my wedding in the first place.
(i get to hold that grudge for at least a couple years, i figure)
because if it wasn't for her, i wouldn't have blown all my money on the vegas wedding, and i could have actually had my proper wedding like i had planned.
you know... with all our friends and family there, instead of only a handful.
okay. i am stopping.
i am beyond poverty. but i will figure it out.
and i will let go of the fact that my wedding was ruined by my husband's sister's selfish actions. (eventually)
on the upside, it looks like i have my first wedding to plan for my business.
the downside is that it's really soon... in november.
but it can be done.
hopefully i'll meet with them this week to discuss budget and such.
i need to get my web site up.
anyone know someone that can build one?
i also need a logo made for my company. graphic artists?
help.
oh oh... almost forgot to mention.
i am putting myself on a 12 step program to stem my dislike of children.
because i figure eventually i probably have to have one or two for my husband.
so... i'd better work on my disdain.
i still don't really want one... nor do i want to be pregnant. but that damn clock is ticking.
we were reading this whole thing on the weekend about age and birth defects and shit... and basically since i'm over 26, i'm already at a higher risk to have problems.
and 33 is the age where that shit starts getting really bad.
so... i have to do this kid thing before 33.
that's 4 and a 1/2 years away.
soooo... i have about 3 years to get over not wanting children.
or i decide that i'm never having them.
either way... i only have a couple more years to decide.
so... tick tick tick.
right now, my policies on kids are basically this:
- i don't pick up, touch or go near newborns. they're too helpless and i might break it.
- kids from 1 - 3 are okay. they're not good in public, since they can't really be controlled yet, but they do some cute shit at home. plus you can coax them into doing or saying things for your amusement. i can deal for about 2-3 hours. (once every couple months)
- from 3 to about... oh... let's say 8, i really dislike them. like strongly dislike. lol. really. this might be the area that needs to most work.
- and from 8 to about 15, well, i just have no interest.
my first mini-project will be to not immediately leave places where there are children.
to be totally honest, if i walk into a store, a restaurant, a park, or really, anywhere close to more than 3 small children, i turn around and leave.
i won't wait in a starbucks if i see several strollers inside. sometimes even one stroller will make me keep walking past a place i had planned on going into.
the sound of children screeching makes me want to pull my skin off.
so, this week i resolve to not avoid kids in public places.
and i will try my best with this.
baby steps.
literally.
my friend wayne is a web designer. he's also a photographer and drummer to boot (remember zuckerbaby?)
waynestadler.com if you want to check some of his shit out...
Reply to this
I hate money. I hate it with a passion, its evil and it sucks. Sorry, but I am punk ass broke myself and "ha ha, thanks wedding." And "hahahah, I have to buy a house."
Kids - Yea, I don't pick them up, the sound of an infant cry scares the living shit out of me. But, when they reach 9 months or so... they are freaking adorable. But, the lack of sleep thing also makes me nervous, because I can't smile unless I have more than 7 hours of sleep.
Again, I ramble.
Reply to this